A Tucson Dive

On my birthday a couple nights ago, I went to check out a local Tucson dive bar called The Buffet. This bar sits under its flickering neon sign in the middle of a decrepit block next to only tumbleweeds, with no other businesses in sight. The windowless walls of the joint are covered with graffiti, and filled to the brim with the skeeziest low-lifes of the Old Pueblo. Thursday night, that included me and 15 or 20 friends. The Buffet features Happy Minute (11:00-11:01), free birthday shots and a birthday yard-of-beer, and surly bottle-blonde bartendresses with throaty, nicotene-glazed voices that wish you "a happy birthday, sweetheart."

The Buffet also has table shuffleboard, a game I have never played before. According to Wikipedia, the origins of this game remain mysterious. My brother tells me its trendy in NYC bars, though. The white dust covering the table looks like salt, but is actually a sea of tiny plastic beads that make the surface close to frictionless for sliding pucks across. (Ask my friend Brandon; as birthday queen I ordered him to lick it just to make sure.) The object is basically to slide your puck as close to the opposite side of the table as possible without having it slide right off the end. You get more points the closer you get. You take turns with an opponent who stands on the same side of the table as you, and you can slide your puck into theirs to whack it off the table, too.

If only I had known about this fabulous game when I taught conservation of linear momentum to my high school physics students last year. I have no idea whether I won or lost the game I played (mustuv been that free tequila shot), but I sure as hell had a great time.