Self-Proclaimed "Mountain Snob" Cut Down to Size by Colorado Ranges

DURANGO, CO--

Suz Tolwinski, a resident of Tucson, Arizona, was recently humbled by mountains she saw during a one-month stay in Colorado. Tolwinski's permenant residence in Tucson is to the south of the Santa Catalina mountain range, which appears to have endowed her with some sort of expertise as to what constitutes "real" mountains.

"Usually, I scoff at the so-called 'mountains' championed by residents of other parts of this country," explains Tolwinski. "I was just camping with these other two chicks in Acadia National Park in Maine, and I'm like, dude, you call these things here mountains? Psshaw, more like molehills! And when I was driving up to Colorado through New Mexico, my car's engine barely noticed those Sangre de Cristo mountains. I mean, that range is really some weak-assed shit."

However, since her trip to Colorado, Tolwinski now admits to a new feeling of humbleness with regards to the rugged landforms. "When I turned the corner on I-25 near Denver and caught sight of those snow-caps, I nearly peed my pants," the 26 year-old said of her first view of the Rocky Mountain range. "These mountains could totally kick the Catalinas' butts, hands down. I mean they are, like, waaaaaay fatter and waaaay higher." Tolwinski's assessment is likely true. While the Catalina mountain range stretches along the northern length of the city of Tucson, and reaches a maximum height of 9,157 feet above sea level, the Rockies span nearly 3,000 miles from British Columbia to New Mexico, and top out at an elevation of 14,440 feet above sea level.

Tolwinski mentions the impression made on her by Coloradan mountains on her way out of the state, as well. "So like, I'm driving over this one range today, and when I cross to the other side of the peak- get this- it's FREAKIN' SNOWING. It's in the dang 30's, in the middle of August, with these icy hail-balls all over the road and my car is slipping all over the place. But by the time I get to the bottom of the mountain, it's like, back up in the 80's," Tolwinski said of the San Juan Mountains, part of the western slope of the Continental Divide.

Despite her exposure to mountains grander than the Santa Catalinas, it appears unlikely that Tolwinski will stop trash-talking other mountain ranges anytime soon.